Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
