I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
