these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
