i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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