he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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