I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
