The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
