like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
