ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
