I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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