i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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