but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
