I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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