I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
