I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
