I smell stomach acid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
