fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
