I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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