i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
