cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
