great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
