You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
