I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
