You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
