What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
