Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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