Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
