he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
