he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
