she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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