so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
