Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
