i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
