all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
