I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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