Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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