tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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