we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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