Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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