soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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