He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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