Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
