Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
