we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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