I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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