Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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