I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
