A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
