woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
