I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
