My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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