My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
