yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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