3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
