you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
