The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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